So I have no real reason to feel flat, were all well, have a roof over my head & food in the cupboard but though I try to stay positive the last few weeks have been both good & rough. I just wanted to talk about the reality instead of the ever up beat social media front we put on as self employed creatives.
It started with a scared cat situation resulting in an infected hand & overnight stay in hospital on IV antibiotics. Have to say thank goodness for our NHS they were fabulous. Thought I would just get given some pills but no of to hospital for me. I then had a week of hard core antibiotics that frankly made me feel worse than the infection. My system took quite a hammering & I know this is nothing in comparison to what some folk are going through.
As creative makers we are all used to planning our days & productivity but I’ve been finding it sooooo hard to get motivated. Yes I’ve been making masks & you lovely people have donated to my Ko-fi page for them. It’s helping keep the wolf from the door when a lot of other income streams dried up with lockdown but its not what I really want to do. I miss my students & seeing clients for fittings at my studio. I miss planning classes & workshops. I miss chatting to fellow makers & creatives at the Drillhall studios. I’m sad that direct selling shows wont be happening for quite some time! Life is so up in the air & who knows when we will be back to a kinda normal.
I am involved in some interesting up coming projects which I’m grateful for. Last week was tidying up my Drillhall studio & doing some filming there but its a roller coaster of up one minute & down the next. Finding it hard to get back to embroidering & making when I don’t have a fixed date for anything. The ever constant battle of creative angst & not doing what I think should. The #100dayprojectscotland I joined is now on day 38 & my last post was day 14 (have more pieces just not posted them). The #artistsupportpledge I’ve fallen way behind with that to! Was organizing to rebuild my website (so out of date) haven’t done that either!
Am I expecting to much of myself! I don’t know but its my creative process that has always been a stabilizing point in my life when other stuff is out of sink. Here’s a few pics of the mess my home studio is in & it does kinda reflect how I’ve been feeling – a big bag of tangled off cuts with no direction! Sorry if this is just a stream of thought & I’m being self indulgent but can pretend its all shiny all of the time. Does this resonate with anyone else?
So its Monday again & time to get my shit together. Think a good tidy up & then to embroidered hummingbird for a corset front panel. Will keep you posted on how it goes.