Feeling Blahhhh!

So I have no real reason to feel flat, were all well, have a roof over my head & food in the cupboard but though I try to stay positive the last few weeks have been both good & rough. I just wanted to talk about the reality instead of the ever up beat social media front we put on as self employed creatives.

It started with a scared cat situation resulting in an infected hand & overnight stay in hospital on IV antibiotics. Have to say thank goodness for our NHS they were fabulous. Thought I would just get given some pills but no of to hospital for me. I then had a week of hard core antibiotics that frankly made me feel worse than the infection. My system took quite a hammering & I know this is nothing in comparison to what some folk are going through.

As creative makers we are all used to planning our days & productivity but I’ve been finding it sooooo hard to get motivated. Yes I’ve been making masks & you lovely people have donated to my Ko-fi page for them. It’s helping keep the wolf from the door when a lot of other income streams dried up with lockdown but its not what I really want to do. I miss my students & seeing clients for fittings at my studio. I miss planning classes & workshops. I miss chatting to fellow makers & creatives at the Drillhall studios. I’m sad that direct selling shows wont be happening for quite some time! Life is so up in the air & who knows when we will be back to a kinda normal.

I am involved in some interesting up coming projects which I’m grateful for. Last week was tidying up my Drillhall studio & doing some filming there but its a roller coaster of up one minute & down the next. Finding it hard to get back to embroidering & making when I don’t have a fixed date for anything. The ever constant battle of creative angst & not doing what I think should. The #100dayprojectscotland I joined is now on day 38 & my last post was day 14 (have more pieces just not posted them). The #artistsupportpledge I’ve fallen way behind with that to! Was organizing to rebuild my website (so out of date) haven’t done that either!

Am I expecting to much of myself! I don’t know but its my creative process that has always been a stabilizing point in my life when other stuff is out of sink. Here’s a few pics of the mess my home studio is in & it does kinda reflect how I’ve been feeling – a big bag of tangled off cuts with no direction! Sorry if this is just a stream of thought & I’m being self indulgent but can pretend its all shiny all of the time. Does this resonate with anyone else?

So its Monday again & time to get my shit together. Think a good tidy up & then to embroidered hummingbird for a corset front panel. Will keep you posted on how it goes.

Happy Sewing

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4 Responses to Feeling Blahhhh!

  1. Am not surprised you’re feeling this Mairi, as a naturally productive person being in the fourth month of lockdown, even though it’s easing, must be very frustrating for you. Also don’t underestimate just how devastating a strong course of antibiotics is to the body, as they affect the gut that in turn affects your brain and mood. Wishing you well and sending some positive vibes towards you! xx

  2. Don’t be too hard on yourself. These are unprecidented times, everything’s upsidedown, you’ve not been well and the normal daily or weekly timetable isn’t there to fall back on. We have extra time but it doesn’t feel like a holiday… maybe decide to take a few days off just to read or watch a few films and you might find some enthusiasm creep back in . Hope you feel better soon.

    • mairib says:

      I’m actually fine but just wanted to talk about the blah, know lots of folk are dealing with the same thing. This week is gona be better than the last & thanks for you message though. Loving ur 100dayproject images. 👍😁

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